The Awkward Travel Sweat

Some of you might be perplexed by the title of my blog, but once you get through this you're going to be able to relate with me well. So here's the scenario: You're getting ready to drive a few hours out of town so you take a wonderful shower because the question is, when will I get another shower and how good will that one actually be? You dry your hair, put the make up on, nice outfit and hit the road. Air conditioning is turned up, music is blaring, stunner shades on..the drive is going smoothly. Suddenly, you realize your hands are a little clammy, ass is a little sweaty, and ONE of your arm pits is pit stained. I offer no medical or logical explanation of why only that one arm pit sweats, but I promise that's just how it goes. Perhaps it could have something to do with how intensely you are holding that steering wheel with one hand, but who really knows? Just one of those eerie aspects of life. Naturally, you turn up the air conditioning a little more, but that doesnt stop the entire crisis..you actually just get clamier.

By the time the drive is over, what's the first thing you want? Another shower. I know when I arrive at my final destination I just want to cleanse my face for hours because it honest to god looks like someone fried bacon on my face and then soaked it. If I invested into a travel dehumidifier would I be able to bypass this awkward travel sweat? Then I'd probably arrive at my destination with the grand canyon on my face because I'm so dried out. Airplanes are just as bad. Awkward travel sweat isnt just the one sweaty armpit either, it's an entire package deal. With that sweaty pit comes the moist awkward smell of your deodorant, clammy hands, upper lip sweat, etc. There isn't a better adjective to describe it than awkward. So we all know we feel a little gross after traveling, why do we continue to shower and paint our faces with make up before traveling? I think in anticipation of awkward travel sweat I'm not going to shower for like 4 days prior to departure. I think that's really going to show that awkward travel sweat.

I bring this topic up because I've got a 3 day drive ahead of me this summer. The big move to California is going to take awkward travel sweat to an extreme level that I'm not mentally prepared to handle. I'm talking pit stains to my ankles, 7th grade puberty broken out grease face, and swamp ass that requires depends diapers. I don't even know what to do to prepare. This my friends, is an example of a life stressor that's legitimate and justified. All that BS about money struggles, marital problems and such doesn't even touch battling awkward travel sweat. I think on that note I'm going to go baby powder my driver seat, it's a start, right?